Male Spouse Problems In Vaginismus
First of all, vaginismus is “a couple problem”. Thus, this problem in the woman, in time, might affect the man.
After the vaginal contractions and fears, the sexual attempts decrease in years and months time, and this situation also affects the physiology of the men very negatively.
As a result, for a normal and healthy sexual relation, man should also be healthy sexually.
► Usually the sexual experiences of the spouses of the vaginismus patients are very limited and insufficient. Most of the time, they have not considered “sexuality as very crucial for their lives” and have also delayed sexuality to after marriage.
► Although the spouses of the vaginismus patients are educated, most of them have knowledge deficiencies regarding sexuality.
► The couples who lead marriages that are not sexually fulfilled for long years share one common feature: To love their spouses very much and accept them the way they are together with possessing extreme tolerance, understanding and patience. Sometimes the tolerance they have is even greater than the desire they feel for their spouses!!!
The men who love their spouses so much, accepting their wives the way they are, can lead “asexual marriages” without any sexual relation. The couples who sees each other in this way, “like two brothers and sisters or flat mates, can share the house” or for years limit their sexual lives to just foreplays and other methods of satisfaction that do not include sexual intercourse (penetration). It is not rare that such couples, as a result of their desires to have children, consult a gynecologist.
► In time, there might surface some sexual dysfunctions in the spouses of the women suffering from vaginismus too. Most frequently encountered problems in the spouses of the vaginismus patients are the problems of premature ejaculation (“ejeculatio precox”) and impotence (erectile disfunction).
► A normal healthy relation is two sided; and may require the efforts and maybe therapies of both sides. Therefore, we, at the Hera Women’s Health Center, if necessary, provide treatment for the spouses of our patients that come to us with sexual problems. These treatments include simple exercises that they can do themselves and medicine treatments that support the erection at the first sexual intercourse.
► The important point here is that the premature ejaculations and erection dysfunctions that can be seen in the spouses of the vaginismus patients are going to be vanished in the period the sexual life restarts after the treatment of the woman. Along with the start of the sexual life, the problems in men will be gone in no time.
► Unfortunately, in our day, there are many couples suffering from vaginismus who start fertilization (IUI) or test-tube baby (IVF) treatments only to have children. When it is comprehended that sexuality is not just for having a baby and is important in intra-family relations, in the private life of a person and for a healthy relation, then the value of the vaginismus treatments will be better understood.
Although vaginismus can be cured 100% at the right center with the right methods, it is very unnecessary and wrong to engage in infertility treatments that are more costly, abundant with side effects and require much more effort.
► Another issue is that in the case where there is no contraction in the woman, but because of the genital problems of the man a sexual intercourse cannot be achieved, a urological consultation must be demanded and possible organic causes in the man should be searched.
In men, diabetes, hypertension, diseases about the nervous system and certain medicine that is used, may cause premature ejaculation and erection problems.
Moreover, among the non-organic causes there are the psychogenic causes too. For the man to work at a very stressful work, the night shifts, smoking and the usage of alcohol are the other important factors that affect the sexual performance.
Advice for the spouses of the vaginismus patients
⇒ Maybe you learned that women may have such problems after you married when you fell into this problem, and you are not able to understand why such a situation happened to you.
⇒ Maybe, although you love your spouse very much and you are trying to understand her, you are unable to hold yourself back from certain inner tensions.
⇒ Perhaps, just like your spouse, you accepted the condition, but sometimes say to yourself that “I wish it was not like this”, or denying your problem, you try to comfort yourself with other subjects such as your intensive work life.
First of all you must absolutely realize that vaginismus is not the fault of your spouse. You should not forget that this problem is not just hers, but is the problem of both of you, as a “couple”.
The spasms that your spouse feels in her vaginal muscles and at other parts of her body, render the penetration of the penis impossible and every attempt causes in your spouse fear and pain. These contractions happen absolutely involuntarily (out of her control). Thus, your spouse is not willingly or knowingly causing this situation to occur. In this matter, you should be tolerant and understanding towards her.
Then you should start researching to find the right center and accept the situation. To get into action to find a solution at once, is the most important step in reaching a solution.
In overcoming this problem, your patience, understanding and cooperation are very important. With the understanding that you are going to show your spouse especially during her treatment, her treatment will be much easier and its duration much shorter.
Your unresolved problems would grow like an avalanche in time and turn into something much more unsolvable and the problems in your marriage would reach different dimensions that you cannot even imagine. Therefore, convincing your spouse with sweet language and getting support for your treatment will be beneficial.
You are one of the millions of couples who suffer from this problem. “With the right treatment at the right center, vaginismus is a problem that can be solved 100%”.